"I have the simplest tastes. I am simply satisfied with the best." - Oscar Wilde

"I came, I saw, I ate." - Au Gourmand

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Cocoa V - December 16, 2010

Exuberance makes you blind. Let this be a lesson to you so that I did not wholly suffer in vain.

My buoyant mood after an unexpectedly satisfactory meal at nearby Omai made me a little careless, a little hasty and just a little too adventurous. I did not even see the name of the place before venturing inside. Recklessness, negligence, yes, I am guilty. However, unbeknownst to me, knowing the name would not have saved me.

Jasmine Tea with Caramel Bon Bon

Years ago, I bought two chocolates at Harrod’s: Rose and lavender. Both were made of luxurious "soap" with very generous use of essential oils, which so perfumed the chocolate covered soap that even after the chocolate was spit out and my mouth rinsed several times, I still had rose and lavender in me. No, of course, they were not literally made of soap, but they surely tasted like soap (I should know because as an infantile glutton, I had eaten soap, mistaking it for white chocolate). I thought that was the worst chocolate that I would ever have (I did not ingest) in my life. Well, life is full of surprises, good or bad.

Cocoa V’s chocolate had the honor to be the second batch of chocolates to be spit out. In a moment of greasy panic, feeling the oil spill in my mouth, I still must congratulate myself for having managed not to disgrace myself by regurgitating it down my pajama front, but actually held myself together until safely reaching the sink. The chocolate was filled with a mysterious oil, which, reminiscing now after allowing some time for rest and recovery, had an extremely unpleasant chemical taste – as if it was in fact made of petrol. No, there was no jasmine; nor was there any caramel. Just that evil oil and oil and oil covered by well-tempered but ineffectual chocolate coverings. Now, I know the true horror of oil spill: Those fish in the Gulf must have had an agonizing death. Perhaps I would join the rescue effort or shell out on donation the next time.

Salt Caramel Truffle

Suffocating on oil is a terrible way to die; but death from overdose of sodium-chloride is surely not much more agreeable. The chocolate casing had an eerie unpleasantness that I could not put my finger onto; after all, the tiny, careful bite I took (I do learn sometimes) did not give me much time to mull over it, not only because of its size, but also because of the short life it had in my mouth before being spit it out again. Bad, bad, and bad – inside out.

Almond Butter Truffle

Slightly more edible but by no means more palatable, it was merely a piece of ill-tasting chocolate. The strange unpleasantness also permeated this chocolate; as a matter of fact, this unpleasantness was a recurring theme that polluted all the four chocolates. Signature pollution, I suppose.

Earl Grey Bon Bon

The most promising top note, it had, for its Earl Grey flavor – what a relief after all the horrors. It was like an interlude, a short respite where the sun came out and you signed and believed the nightmare was finally over. No, no, no, Cocoa V did not let me off so easily. The Earl Grey flavor was soon overtaken by the evil twins of dark knights: the odorous chocolate and the grease. I replaced the bitten chocolates into the plastic bags in which they came and watched the oil running out and spilling inside the bag. What a sight.

After finishing a cup of tea to calm my feathers, I looked up the chocolate shop on the internet. VEGAN? The word flashed in capitals through my mind and came out of my mouth in an incredulous high squeak. Actually, incredulous should not be the word: it is totally credible and believable. In fact, it just about explained everything.

Cocoa V
Address: 174 9th Avenue, New York, NY 10011
Phone:  (212) 242-3339 (Although for the life of me, I cannot imagine what you will call them about.)

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