Signora Elvira from Palermo started off the dinner with a charming earthenware plate of antipasti – olives, stewed eggplants, cauliflowers with anchovies and roasted peppers – and focaccia. The focaccia had the requisite crust, soaked with olive oil and studded with salt, which was more than enjoyable on its own. The deliciously salty olives and tender eggplants were mildly spicy; the cauliflowers with anchovies were good enough that I looked into the menu to see if it could be ordered separately.
I admit that it was the glutton curiosity that ordered this untried part of Joe, the lamb; however, it was quickly turned into appreciation. The testicles tasted similar to liver, with a texture, which was less firm and grainy and thus softer. The light balsamic vinegar marinade balanced well against the earthy organ flavor.
As a result of insufficient stewing time, the chicken feet tasted strongly of the rubbery collagen and did not have a chance to fully absorb the hearty and solid tomato and mushroom sauce.
Pizza di Burrata - Tomato sauce and basil
Back in the days before the limited availability of excellent pizza outside of Italy, I had had all types of inadequate manifestations, whether delivered, frozen or served in restaurants. The pizza at Enoteca Maria shared the sickly look of the superior frozen kind - superior only because the bottom did not sag and fall out when re-heated. Furthermore, the heavy-handedness reminded me of the pizzas served in alleged pizzerias, which thought merely dumping a lot of cheese on top of tomato sauce would miraculously transform a cheesy dough into a pizza – well, it did not. If truth be told, it was similar to an Argentinean pizza. The expected fresh and creamy milkiness of the burrata were notably absent; in their stead, there were overwhelming greasiness and profound mediocrity. If my paper napkin had not been completely soiled by then, I would have been tempted to follow the disgusting habit of the grease-dabbers.
All participants at the table had prepared themselves for the anticipated and unaccustomed visual shock – at least, my unfamiliarity was due to the lack of opportunity, not desire. Yet, the “dish” arrived quite innocuously looking like any breadcrumb-topped gratin; in fact, it appeared so unceremoniously that we had almost missed its significance. Wait, however, until my fellow diner abruptly and callously turned the “dish” the other side up: Voila, the “dish” was not exactly a misshapen “dish” at all, but it was half a skull, chopped vertically through the nose with exactly one eye, half of the brain and mysteriously somehow, a whole tongue. Our counterpart that night must have thought the sheep was mute.
A head provides the most diverse and interesting perspectives of eating meat: First of all, there is a question of tactics – where shall one start, the cheek, where the meat is most tender, and leave the brain, that has the consistency of cottage cheese, for the last?; Second, there are different textures and flavors to detect and savor – from the gelatinous eye ball to the juicy tongue. I decided to proceed with the brain, which was roasted slightly dry and hard, which, however, concentrated the flavor but lessened the distinct odor. The delicate cheek meat was a treat as it fell off easily upon the fork; the succulent tongue was chewy yet tender.
On one hand, the breadcrumb crust was too heavy to fully appreciate the subtle differences in flavor of the sheep’s head. On the other hand, the ample garlic and rosemary guaranteed that every bite of every part would be well-seasoned.
Aragosta Ripiena – Baked lobster stuffed with shrimp, breadcrumbs and fresh herbs
The abundant breadcrumbs made another appearance on another au gratin dish, which stuffed the shell like straw for a scarecrow. This Frankenstein of a lobster - now why isn’t a whole lobster any more grotesque than a whole head of a sheep? Discrimination and indoctrination, I say – had more shrimp than its own flesh, although somewhat close in genealogy, I wondered whether such transformation and juxtaposition were absolutely necessary. Rather than a show of luxury, the shrimp acted more like a silicone filler: It added more body to where it was lacking because other than the claws, the lobster was quite skinny in body mass. While the scarecrow and the monster in Frankenstein ultimately had a heart, the artificially enhanced lobster had none.
Branzino al Cartoccio - Whole seabass baked in foil with a lemon-herb sauce
The primary value of a restaurant is in its ability to do something that I cannot or do not do. While the fish was superbly fresh, I could have bought the same and at least cooked it with more salt and herbs for superior enjoyment.
Gelato di Caffe
The coffee gelato was featureless and generic with sweetness as its strongest flavor, rather than coffee; the addition of melted milk chocolate only diluted coffee even further.
Cannoli Siciliani - Chocolate chips
When the apologetic waitress informed me that their famous torta di nutella had all been consumed for the night, my infinite despondence at such unbelievable misfortune must have been clearly spelled out widely across my face in HD. Dismally and inconsolably, I followed another diner’s order of cannoli like an automaton. The oily fried shell came nowhere near the airy and flaky model served at Bruno; the ricotta stuffing also tasted lifeless and bland, which the chocolate chips were meant to amend but they ended up being uncomfortably suspended in discordance.
Whether it was pity for my misery at not being able to have the torta di nutella or acknowledgement to the tenacious gusto, which we showed in disassembling the head, the cannoli were quietly taken off the final bill.
Enoteca Maria
Address: 27 Hyatt Street, New York, NY 10301
Phone: (718) 447-2777
Come back! Are you on sabbatical?
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